How to Improve Social Skills in Children With ADHD

How to Improve Social Skills in Children With ADHD ADHD Parenting Print How to Improve Social Skills in Children With ADHD By Keath Low Keath Low, MA, is a therapist and clinical scientist with the Carolina Institute for Developmental Disabilities at the University of North Carolina. She specializes in treatment of ADD/ADHD. Learn about our editorial policy Keath Low Medically reviewed by Medically reviewed by Steven Gans, MD on August 05, 2016 Steven Gans, MD is board-certified in psychiatry and is an active supervisor, teacher, and mentor at Massachusetts General Hospital. Learn about our Medical Review Board Steven Gans, MD Updated on September 17, 2019 ADHD Overview Symptoms Causes Diagnosis Treatment Living With In Children Hero Images / Getty Images Having positive peer relationships and friendships is important for all children. Unfortunately, many kids with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) have a hard time making and keeping friends and being accepted within the larger peer group. The impulsiveness, hyperactivity, and inattention associated with ADHD can wreak havoc on a childs attempts to connect with others in positive ways.?? Not being accepted by ones peer group, feeling isolated, different, unlikeable and aloneâ€"this is perhaps the most painful aspect of ADHD-related impairments and these experiences carry long-lasting effects. Positive connections with others are so important. Though kids with ADHD desperately want to make friends and be liked by the group, they often just dont know how. The good news is that you can help your child develop these social skills and competencies. Increasing Your Childs Social Awareness Research finds that children with ADHD tend to be extremely poor monitors of their own social behavior.?? They often do not have a clear understanding or awareness of social situations and the reactions they provoke in others. They may feel that an interaction with a peer went well, for example, when it clearly did not. ADHD-related difficulties can result in weaknesses in this ability to accurately assess or read a social situation, self-evaluate, self-monitor, and adjust as necessary. These skills must be taught directly to your child. Teach Skills Directly and Practice, Practice, Practice Children with ADHD tend to have a hard time learning from past experiences. They often react without thinking through consequences.?? One way to help these kids is to provide immediate and frequent feedback about inappropriate behavior or social miscues. Role-playing can be very helpful to teach, model, and practice positive social skills, as well as ways to respond to challenging situations like teasing. Start by focusing on one or two areas your child is struggling with the most. This helps ensure the learning process doesnt become too overwhelming. Many kids with ADHD have difficulty with the basics, like starting and maintaining a conversation or interacting with another person in a reciprocal manner (for example, listening, asking about the other childs ideas or feelings, taking turns in the conversation, or showing interest in the other child), negotiating and resolving conflicts as they arise, sharing, maintaining personal space, and even speaking in a normal tone of voice that isnt too loud.?? Clearly identify and give information to your child about social rules and the behaviors you want to see. Practice these prosocial skills again and again and again. Shape positive behaviors with immediate rewards.?? Teaching Kids With ADHD Succeed in Group Settings Create Opportunities for Friendship Development For preschool and elementary school-age children, play dates provide a wonderful opportunity for parents to coach and model positive peer interactions for their child and for the child to practice these new skills.?? Set up these playtimes between your child and one or two friends at a timeâ€"rather than a group of friends. Structure the playtime so that your child can be most successful. Think of yourself as your childs friendship coach. Carefully consider the length of time a playdate will run and choose activities that will keep your child most interested. As a child gets older, peer relationships and friendships are often more complicated, but it is equally important for you to continue to be involved and to facilitate positive peer interactions. The middle school and high school years can be brutal for a child who struggles socially. Even if a child remains unaccepted by the peer group at large, having at least one good friend during these years can often protect the child from the full-on negative effects of ostracism by the peer group. Middle or high schoolers who have experienced social isolation and repeated rejection may feel desperate to belong to any peer group that accepts themâ€"even one with a negative influence. Research and get involved in groups in your community that foster positive peer relationships and social skills development like Boy Scouts, Indian Guides, Girl Scouts, Girls on the Run, sports teams, etc. Make sure the group leaders or coaches are familiar with ADHD and can create a supportive and positive environment for learning prosocial skills. Communicate with the school, coaches, and neighborhood parents so you know what is going on with your child and with whom your child is spending time. A childs peer group and the characteristics of this group have a strong influence on the individuals within the group. Work With the School to Improve Peer Status Once a child is labeled by his or her peer group in a negative way because of social skill deficits, it can be very hard to dispel this reputation. In fact, having a negative reputation is perhaps one of the largest obstacles your child may have to overcome socially. Studies have found that the negative peer status of children with ADHD is often already established by early-to-middle elementary school years and this reputation can stick with the child even as he or she begins to make positive changes in social skills.?? For this reason, it can be helpful for parents to work with their childs teachers, coaches, etc. to try to address these reputational effects. Establish a positive working relationship with your childs teacher. Tell them about your childs areas of strength and interests, as well as what theyve been struggling with. Share any strategies youve found helpful when working on your childs areas of weakness. Young children often look to their teacher when forming social preferences about their peers. A teachers warmth, patience, acceptance, and gentle redirection can serve as a model for the peer group and have some effect on a childs social status. When a child has experienced failures in the classroom, it becomes even more and more important for the childs teacher to consciously find ways to draw positive attention to that child. One way to do this is to assign the child special tasks and responsibilities in the presence of the other children in the classroom. Make sure these are responsibilities in which your child can experience success and develop better feelings of self-worth and acceptance within the classroom. Doing this also provides opportunities for the peer group to view your child in a positive light and may help to stop the group process of peer rejection. Pairing the child up with a compassionate buddy within the classroom can also help facilitate social acceptance. Tips for Creating ADHD-Settings at Home and at School Collaborate with your childs teacher to make sure the classroom environment is as ADHD-friendly as possible so that your child is better able to manage ADHD symptoms. Work together with the teacher (and coach or another adult caregiver) on effective behavior management approaches, as well as social skills training. Medication, when appropriate, is often helpful in reducing the negative behaviors that peers find off-putting.?? If your child is on medication to help manage symptoms of ADHD, be sure to work closely and collaboratively with your childs doctor. In order for the medication to provide the optimal benefit that it can in helping to manage the core ADHD symptoms, there is often an ongoing need to monitor, fine-tune, and make adjustments along the way. 18 Strategies to Help Students with ADHD